What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
10.06.2025 08:28
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Why do wives cheat with black guys?
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
But, we were locked up after school.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I waited trembling.
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But im dying ,and its too late for me.
So, i spoilt her more .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
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Was to survive, this bastard.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
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He knew the spot.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Who is the most annoying character in the Office?
She wouldn,t have been !
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
When she asked me how she looked .
I never cut or harmed myself..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I was very sick at this time too.
What makes someone feel "rich enough" in different societies?
I write beautiful poetry .
But ive been too sick for many years..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
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I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Who then, do I blame.?
Are you afraid to get married and why?
I think the readers, may guess!
I couldn’t, believe it.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Why are American university students fine with sharing a room?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
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She found it foreign!.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He resisted the act ,that day.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
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I know ,a lot about trauma.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
One cannot live in the past .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
What did i know ?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
All the time i was locked up.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I have no regrets .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I was seconnd youngest,
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
On the 31st of Jan this month .
We all went to grammer schools
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Ive learnt so much.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
This is soul school!.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
As i do to all so called friends.?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I said to her
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Would this be the day?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Im still living with it.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She loved him until the end.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Why did i forgive my father ?
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I could never make a relationship work though!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
My life is so biszare .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
We were not on the streets..
She married twice! .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
And i lived it daily.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She was in good health!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I don,t even have a pension.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
It was going to be , some day.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My family never makes their pension either.
Comes on , in middle age.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
So whats the point in blame.
I will be 64.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I was 9 years of age.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But it wasn’t much.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I was scared of men, in general
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
My mum and dad in the seventies!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Put me off passion for life!!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .